There will come a time, of course, when you will know the man well enough to get by without a condom. By then you may be thinking about having his baby because you will be in a rock-solid relationship and you’ll be one hundred per cent sure that he doesn’t have Aids or any other sexually transmittable disease. But until then, the main thing you need to know about sex is how to have it safely so you can rest easy every month.

You think this isn’t very romantic? Why would I be romantic about something like this? I’m your mother. The position of the mother regarding sex is entirely missionary. You don’t want sex to make you ill and you don’t want sex to make you pregnant unless you’re ready for a baby and all that that entails.

When to have it

This will be a personal matter. I have already told you having it too young, or too often too young, will hurt and give you cancer as well as great heartache. This is a personal view and you can put it out of your mind once you’ve left school when it will cease to apply.

The fashion is no longer to have it as often as possible with as many different people as possible though you do still meet the occasional unhappy person who can’t help themselves. They’re sad in my experience but this could be because having endless sexual partners has never been my experience which is unusually limited for a woman of my age and inclinations.

I don’t see anything wrong with the principle of recreational sex, by which I mean one-night stands with men you hardly know, I just don’t know how brilliant it is afterwards. That’s the thing about sex. There’s the before sex, the doing it and the after sex and each element is as important as the other.

As far as I can tell, most women think the after bit is as important as the it bit, so my advice would be t think ahead a tiny amount before you leap into bed with someone. How slight the relationship can be for comfort will be your judgement but you should take self-preservation into account in the broadest sense of the term.

For a decent afterglow, trust is much, much more important than lust. You want someone who will have consideration for your finer feelings, physical and emotional, and your good name. I know reputations for promiscuity aren’t supposed to count any more but it seems to me you won’t feel too bright about yourself if everyone thinks you’re a slapper.

You want affection and warmth as well as great sex and I’m not sure you’re going to get that with someone you’ve only known for a minute and whose interest in you Is entirely physical. A man whose interest in you is entirely physical will be entirely interested in himself. Forget him. You may definitely call me old-fashioned on this one.

What you don’t need to become is one of those people who must have sex with lots of partners just to feel good about herself because love and affection is lacking in your life and you feel ugly. Should you ever meet such a crisis, I would expect you to come to me, your father or one of your sisters and we will be able to remind you how loved you are and perhaps get you some bromide.

Every woman deserves a happy, healthy sex life. If you don’t want to have sex, then you don’t have a problem. But if you’re dissatisfied, there are things you can do to change the status quo. Because some sexual problems can signal under­lying disease, you might improve your overall health – as well as your sex life -just by talking with your doctor.

What is sexual dysfunction?
Experts recognize four types of sexual problems in women:

• Lack of desire or less desire than previously,
• Problems becoming aroused;
• Difficulty having an orgasm; and
• Pain during or after sex.

Desire disorders. Many women feel less sexual desire during pregnancy, after childbirth (especially during breastfeeding) and later in life, after menopause Relationship problems, such as past or current abuse and feelings of anger or guilt, can also reduce desire. Some medical conditions, including depression, and chronic condi­tions that affect wellbeing may also result in decreased sexual drive. Chemotherapy and certain other medications, notably drugs for high blood pressure, pain, depression or anxiety, can reduce desire as well as sexual response. Or, lack of desire might simply be due to fatigue – or boredom with the same sexual routine.

Arousal disorders. Difficulty becoming sexually aroused is often related to vaginal dryness. During arousal, a woman normally has increased blood flow to the genital area. This causes vaginal lubrication, and enlargement of the clitoris and surrounding area. Both make the vagina opening wider. Postmenopausal women and women with certain conditions, including thyroid disease, diabetes and multiple sclerosis, often have reduced lubrication. Anxiety, insufficient stimulation and blood flow problems in the genital area are other possible causes.

Orgasmic disorders. If you can’t have an orgasm, or if it takes you longer to have one than you would like, consider whether you’ re experiencing guilt, anxiety, or the effects of past or current sexual trauma. Some other possible causes are sexual inhibition, ­lack of knowledge about your body’s responses, poor communication between you and your partner about what you like, and insufficient stimulation. Many women don’t have an orgasm during intercourse unless the clitoris is also being stimulated.

Sexual pain disorders. Pain during sexual stimulation is generally felt in the vulva, or at or near the opening of the vagina. It may be caused by scars, cysts, infections or irritation from soaps, vaginal sprays or douches. Pain in the vagina is often caused by dryness or inflammation (vaginitis). Vagnismus is a spasm of the muscles at the vaginal opening that causes pain on penetration. Discomfort deep within the vagina or in the pelvic region, lower back, uterus or bladder might indicate an internal physical problem, such as pelvic infection, bowel disease, bladder disease or even ovarian cysts. Guilt, anger, painful memories, and fear of pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease may cause pain during sex if they make it hard to relax. It’s important to rule out any physical causes before tying your problem to emotions alone.

So, what you can do?

For desire disorders
Try an erotic book or video, or suggest a different sexual activity to your partner – one you’ve always wanted to try!

For arousal disorders
Hormone replacement therapy or an estrogen cream can be useful for some women, especially those with vaginal dryness or loss of genital sensation after a hyster­ectomy or natural menopause. For arousal disorders related to lack of blood flow, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved a battery-operated vacuum device, called the Eros Clitoral Therapy Device, that stimulates the clitoris and labia. Sildenafil (Viagra), well known as a treatment for male erectile dysfunction, is sometimes prescribed to women for arousal and orgasmic problems, although those are not FDA-approved uses of the drug. Studies of Viagra in women have had mixed results. Some women find that nonprescription ointments, such as Via crème or viagel, help them with arousal and orgasms.

For orgasmic problems
Self -stimulation may help you learn more about your anatomy and sexual responses. It can also give you extra stimulation before you have sex with your partner. Some women need strong stimulation with a vibrator, or prolonged stimulation for about an hour, in order to have an orgasm.

For pain during sex
Try a nonprescription lubricant and different sexual positions. When a woman is “on top”, she has more control over penetration and movement. Music, fantasies, massage or a warm bath before sex may help you relax. If the pain persists, some treatments your doctor might prescribe are vaginal cream, antibi­otics, antispasmodics and vaginal relaxation exercises.In many cases, psychotherapy can be effective for sexual problems, with or without other treatments. It’s helpful especially if you’re having problems with relationships or past abuse. In rare cases, sexual dysfunction is due to a gender identity conflict, which requires specialized counseling.

Your doctor will listen
In treating the “whole person,” family physicians recognize that sexual intimacy is an important part of your overall wellbeing. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable talking about your sex life, but your doctor is trained to respond in a caring, nonjudgmental way. In fact, most women with these problems who get help enjoy satisfying sexuality lifelong.

It makes sense
Although not considered sexual dysfunction, infertility is certainly related to women’s sexual health.

• Doctors define infertility as the inability to become pregnant during one to two years of unprotected sex.
• The most common cause is simply age. The older you are, the smaller and older your egg supply. But you may also have problems related to ovulation or your fallopian tubes.
• Men may have a reduced sperm count or poor sperm quality that can play a role in infertility, so your partner’s health will need to be checked, too.
• If you’re 35 or younger, consider talking with your doctor if you have been unable to conceive after trying for a year or more. If you’re over 35, initiate the conversation after six months.
• Treatment of infertility depends on the cause. It may include behavior changes, medication, surgery and/or procedures to assist in fertilization, such as in vitro fertilization.
• At any age, consult your physician if you notice a physical problem, such as irregular menstruation.

The Ultimate Tip!
Open and honest communication between you and your partner can contribute to a satisfying sex life, no matter what your age.

Make Time for Intimacy

First, realize that sex is important. It may not be the most important part of your relationship but it should be one of your top priorities. Connecting with your husband on an intimate level is something just you and he share. Something special and sacred just for the two of you. The stresses of modern life, children and work often overwhelm us and one of the first things to get cut out of our lives is our sex life with our husband. Realize the importance of love making with your spouse and make sure to set aside time for this important activity. Even if you only have a few hours a week, make sure to find the time for you and your husband to enjoy intimacy together.

Turn Yourself into a Sexual Being

A second sexual tip is that as women, we are often concerned that our husbands don’t find us sexually attractive any more. We wonder how they can find us attractive after child birth or after we have gained a few pounds or even a few wrinkles. The best way to combat this is to feel like a sexual being yourself. This isn’t as difficult as it seems. Lingerie, a beautiful dress or a special haircut can all improve the way we feel about ourselves sexually speaking. Don’t rely on your husband to make you feel sexy, make the changes in your life to feel sexual yourself. It will make all the difference when you realize the insecurities about your body or your age have melted away and you are no longer wondering if you are sexy, you just feel sexy.

Open and Honest Communication to Improve Your Sex Life

A final best tip to increase your sexual performance is open communication. This is often difficult for women because many times sex is about intimacy for them instead of the physical act. Talking to your husband about his needs, wants and desires and acting on them is a great way to perform better in bed. As an added benefit, this open and frank discussion will also tip your husband off to some of your inner most desires. These talks can change your sex life from boring to phenomenal almost over night.

Performing better in bed is actually a simple matter is your follow a few sex tips. The best sex tips will enable you to let go of your own insecurities, feel more sexual yourself and learn your husband’s inner most desires. These sexual performance tips for women can make all the difference in your sex life and lead to more satisfying and intimate encounters. Sex is an important part of your life, treat it that way and you can’t go wrong.

 Communication is the Key Towards Increased Sexual Performance

Learning to communicate with your partner is probably the single greatest thing you can do as a man to increase your sexual performance. An open and frank discussion with your spouse may actually surprise you. Ask your wife what her ‘signals’ are – in other words how you can tell that she is ready and interested in a romantic interlude. Talk to her about how and where she likes being touched. Because these can be difficult conversations to have, it is sometimes a good idea to start the evening out with a good dinner and perhaps a good glass of wine. Explain to her that you are concerned about your performance and want to discuss it with her. Taking a little time talk to your wife is a great way to increase your performance in bed.

 Making Your Wife Feel Attractive and Desired

 Another good idea is to realize that your wife has different needs and wants than you do. In many cases, sex is much more about emotional intimacy for women. Realizing her insecurities and the things that make her feel beautiful and special are an excellent way to help your wife enjoy a sexual experience with you much more. Women are often emotional, insecure and concerned about their own performance; make sure to take these factors into consideration when making love with your wife.

 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

 Finally, there is no way around the fact that men and women are completely different sexual beings. Without relying on dangerous medications, as a man, you can only ‘perform’ so many times a day. First, realize that this is ok. This is just a simple matter of nature. Accept it and make the most of the time you spend with your wife. The biggest complaint of many women in regards to their sex life is the lack of time their husband spends pleasing them. Consider extended your foreplay. Foreplay is an excellent way to not only give your wife physical pleasure, but to make her feel special and beautiful as well. Realizing your physical limitations and increasing the amount of time spent on foreplay is a great step towards improving your sexual performance in bed.

 Spend the Day in Bed

Learning to extend foreplay and love making is another important key to increasing your sexual performance. Some professionals suggest spending an entire day making love to your wife to learn how to extend foreplay and lovemaking. Practically speaking, this means spend time loving every part of your wife. Learn the panes of her hands, her legs, remembering that sex is more about the genitals. Really get to know your wife’s entire body as well as her sexual mind by spending the day making love.

Sexual performance in bed is a concern for most men. It doesn’t have to be, by taking the focus off of the actual physical act and focusing more on the emotions and sensations behind the act you can and will increase your wife’s pleasure and enjoyment.