The results of impatience with your child’s speech in the early years is almost inevitably a child who stammers. A child needs time to organize his thoughts. If a young child just learning to speak begins with a lot of hesitation and verbal posturing, a “hum” or excessive “uhs” and “urns”-it is better to wait patiently, showing rapt attention. If you say such things as “Well, spit it out; what is it?” almost invariably the child will become an anxious speaker. The “uhs” and “urns” will not disappear but will instead become more hurried and jumbled.
It is often routine, especially if one or both parents are absent during the day, to ask a child, “How was your day?” This provides a wonderful opportunity for your child to practice his language skills because it allows him to pick and choose his subject matter and to express himself freely. He is not being asked to justify an action or to describe something that is important to you. When you do ask your child, however, be prepared to listen. One shy six-year-old was referred to therapy because of his difficulty in communicating with teachers and other adults. After some discussion, it surfaced that his father had a routine of coming home after work and at the dinner table perfunctorily asking the children, “How was your day?” Before the children could finish responding, however, he would open the newspaper and read, oblivious of all else.
What the children gathered from their father’s behavior was that what they had to say was really not important. Although verbally their father was indicating interest, his behavior was communicating indifference. This is another example of double messages parents sometimes express. Always remember that your behavior counts more in influencing your child than what you say.